And just like that, three months have passed, and I am all packed up and saying goodbye to China.
What’s next, you might wonder? Great question.
I am moving to Wyoming.
Okay, I am only kidding. But I do wonder the same aforementioned question. In fact, I have no clue what is next. And for the first time in a long time, I am absolutely okay with this reality. You see, I have been going non-stop for about ten years now, and arguably longer. In middle school and high school, I filled my summers with camps and other volunteer arrangements. In college, I worked at a camp each summer, and typically went straight from camp to school and school to camp with just hours in between. “Down” time was never fully understood, and I lived with a strong belief that you should never leave a job without having job, or that, when you finish a job you should be going to a job…or some related opportunity/sentiment. Cue, “Pompeii,” right? Let’s pause for a moment (and I would argue, we should always pause for, “Pompeii”).
Now that “Pompeii” is accompanying this moment, and now that you are in the same frame of mind as I am experiencing, let’s talk about wind. Wind is a powerful element. If not prepared, wind can catch you off guard, provide some reprieve, and in extreme circumstances, wind can even change the course of your life. And these possibilities are in both the physical and metaphorical sense. I have a really good friend who has challenged me to be open to landing wherever the wind blows me next. I recognize this mentality is not sustainable, however while I’m in this in-between, I figure I will let the wind’s breeze take full effect and see where it takes me. Ultimately, I hope and suggest to the wind that it blows me somewhere where I can plant roots, start to feel some sense of structure, and maybe even a community where I can get involved or something. But the wind can only do so much, I am sure, and I’ll clearly take what I can get (“Trust the Process,” and all of that).
The wind is a beautiful thing. And in my pursuit to always need control, I have discovered that I am looking for less of an ‘adventure,’ per say, and more of an opportunity for stability. You see, that’s an adventure for me. Self-care. Structure. Stability. And this is no surprise, as I have addressed this concept before, and it continues to haunt me in the most intriguing manner. Hell, I haven’t done a “holiday” with my family in years, and the fact that I will now be “home” for Christmas and Hanukkah is exciting and stressful all in the same breath (I threw Hanukkah in for obvious reasons). And just as the wind is starting to freak me out (let’s be honest, “family,” and, “transition,” of any sorts for any person, can bring stress), I am reminded of Grey’s Anatomy, and a final-monologue moment from a previous episode. Meredith goes on, as follows:
“There can be beauty in getting lost. Sometimes we have to get lost to find each other. And sometimes we find each other, only to get lost all over again. You can’t always control it, the thing that’s going to set you adrift. And as you stand there on the front porch staring at the life you’re about to leave behind, you have to accept it’s gone, it’s lost, just like you. All you can do now is stand very still, breathe in the moment, and try to be open to wherever the wind’s going to take you next.” — Meredith Grey
In this moment, I sit on the metaphorical porch, waiting, open, willing, and eager. Tomorrow I head to Seattle, and then plan to drive down the coast from there. Planes, trains, and automobiles. I am open, flexible, and eager. And when the wind blows me to my next professional experience, I will be just as open, flexible, and eager. And on top of that, I will be excited.
Here’s to the “next” in this big, giant, real and raw life. Here’s to a wanderer wandering, and a process which can only be trusted as is…beautifully, scarily, unpredictably, mine.
PS – I previously posted this, but wanted to re-link the piece, “There will be times…”